Zirafah-chan,

are you reading this?

i miss you.

somehow makes me feel i should go home a.s.a.p just so i could see you.

forget everything depressing for a while.

but you're not there anyway.

and its not like... hrm.

haih.

i hate feeling like down like this.

need to get back to normal. Kazura.
not Yukari. I hate you Yukari

p.s/ hey, 390 and rin wears headphones like mine!

i want to go to Kinokuniya, Borders, The Times
Pavillion, the Gardens, MidValley and KLCC
mandi sungai
makan satay
sleep as much as i can on the sofa
go out of the house as much as i can
caramel popcorn
chocolate sundae
more satay
tauhu
crap food
kimchi ramen
sushi
more sushi
teppanyaki
yakitori bentou set
re-read all 4 twilight saga
stupid romance novels
buy more stupid romance novels
buy more fiction novels
shop
shop
shop
spend quality time with people who actually accept me as i am
watch movies
be a total sloth
cook
bake
cut my hair
hot showers in the mornings
singing in the shower bringing my phone with me
draw lots
and lots
and lots
eat cake
basketball!
omfg how can i forget basketball!
i don't care if i'm playing by myself, i just need to shoot some hoops
go on motorcycle rides
go on long lengthy car rides, get lost in the city
do something rebellious
arcade games! hell yeah!
Toshi
customize Toshi
Toshi, saranghae
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and so much more

then back to the shit hellhole and shitlife starts all over again.

i don't want to go home.

but i don't want to get stuck here either.

='(

I think i'm in love.
With danny choo.
But he's married.
and he's not a Muslim.

oh well.

i even got frustrated watching TOP got glomped by one of his fans. I want to be that gurl. I wanna glomp him and never ever let go. Choi Seung Hyun, saranghae forever <3. Was over-emo and sniffing while listening to Tae-Yang's "Wedding Dress". A story of guy and girl best friends, the guy was secretly in love with the gurl, but the gurl married someone else. He had to be the piano player in the wedding. Sad, yes. I was putting myself in his shoes and thinking the same thing might just happen to me. Am i in love with my best friend? not gonna answer that, but i think i'd still get super-sad if zirafah-chan got married with someone.

If my friends got married, of course i'd be super-happy for them. Just, hopefully i won't get asked the "Asma', bler awak nak kawin pulak?" from elders. It'd be super annoying. Like maksu said, "lepas dah kawin..tanyer pasal bile nak dapat anak..bile anak dah besar, tanyer plak anak dapat nombor baper dalam peksa..bile anak dah jadi anak bujang/anak dara, tanye plak bila anak nak kawin..oh pleaseeeeeeee! i did not sign for this!!!! "

a conversation with Aleea.
"As, cube u senyum jap." . . . . . *tries to smile in a totally pathethic way*
"Aiii jijjah, senyum la btol2, nak tgk tulang pipi naek ke tak"
. . . . .*smile as brightly as i can*
"Haa...tulang pipi you naek kan? Me xde tulang pipi pon, senyum sme jer"
*now she smiles pathethically*
Me retaliates.
"Me bukan tulang pipi k, lemak nieh, lemak kat pipi byk sgt nieh. "
ultra-chubbiness since the finals cuz my eating habits are not consistent.
As in, always hungry.

I really do like to document my life ne?
But in reality, i don't like to talk much.
I prefer to look and listen. and write. Haih.
Wonder how to boost my communication and social skills?

A new thought while eating dinner with the gurls.
Me. A lecturer. To be exact, a programming lecturer.

Truthfully, i do plan to continue Masters and hopefully PhD, but that depends ne? I want to get married also. Hehe~ But truthfully (again), i can't imagine myself as an OL (office lady).
Working in an office environment, reporting to supervisors and CEO's, wearing high heels and office attire. Bleargh.

But a lecturer? Well, i sure can imagine a future like that.
Able to do programming (top priority), research, develop a new software (hopefully), interact with students, contribute to the society (like mom ^_^), and still be an otaku >_<. Hee~
I'll be a total rocking lecturer. Go to class wearing high-top sneakers. Can what.
Hell, i think i'd enjoy that. Teaching. Lecturing. Programming. A sports car. OMFG.
I can totally imagine that. Only not UTP. I plan to live in KL ok. Social life, super-important too. (with a husband and 3 kids. =^O^= )
OMG, i wanna get married.
Asma', jgn gatal. Study dlu. Hehehe~

But seriously, before,i couldn't imagine what i'd want to be doing once i graduate (whether to take Masters or work) but now, i feel that i finally found something. Something i WANT to do. Not doing it cuz, well, cuz its something that i'm supposed to do. Doing what you HAVE to do is different from doing what you have to while wanting to do it.

an electronic conversation with Schneider. I was bamboozled by him and i love him more for that.

will be studying HCI tonite, only i don't know what time. I haven't even showered yet. anddd...its just one minute past 12.

oh! oh! oh!
Maksu told me of a shop at the Gardens that i could probably get my Jeremy Scott Adidas Wings sneakers. SOLE WHAT. Probably gonna cost me a lot though. Thought of asking it for my birthday present...or i'd have to blow my december scholarship. My friends already looked at me weird when i told them i wanted shoes with wings. (pelik sgt ke design cmtu maksu? You've seen it right? ) Or would the snakeskins be better? and if it was with my own money, i'd buy the Onitsuka Tiger x Tokidoki or Nike high-tops for basketballers. Why not eh? Another of my lifetime fantasies is a huge-O walk-in closet and a section would be totally dedicated to sneakers, categorized by brand. God, i love sneakers. How much i love sneakers, cannot be expressed. Sneakers, accesories and tees. and cute basketballers. >_<

/*
Yukari : what about that desktop Asma'?
Me : Um, nak bli lepas intern kan? *smiles sheepishly*
*/

Truthfully,

i took a shower....approximately at 11.23pm.
OMG it was fucking freezing!!
my teeth was chattering like hell and my [what the heck is bulu roma in english?] are all standing on my skin!
Brrrrrrrr....

whatever possessed me to take a bath?
I started slide chapter 14 of SE and after 2 hours and a half, i was still at the same slide. I can't recall anything or remember doing anything. In short, short term memory loss.

God, plz don't let this happen to me.
I feel so messed up somehow. Feeling like if i still have to continue reading all this crap, i'd puke. Dr. Schneider sure pulled a fast one on us this time. I don't know if i'll be able to even get a B this time. Killmekillmekillmekillmekillme. I can't wait for Saturday. For all this to be over. After that, i don't mind anything. I'll go anywhere, I'll do anything. With whoever. Just, plz. I don't want to be here, don't want to be myself, don't want to think about studies or reputations or feelings.

I don't know if i can get thru this this time.

I know i need to desperately talk to that someone, but currently, i don't want to talk to that someone. So what the hell. Let it be. [Its just such a great thing to laugh at someone else's suffering, isn't it? Can count on you anytime. The fuck.] Can't live my life hanging on to someone's arm all the time do i? Especially if you know they don't give a fuck about you either cuz they have their own lives. My family don't even care about me, they don't call, they don't ask about me and I might as well not go back home.I'm just the problematic daughter. Don't wanna talk about it, don't wanna remember it. I try to keep myself busy as not to wallow in my depression. Fed up of being emo cuz i actually like bright colors.

I'm not gonna cry. EVER.

I'm tired. Really, i'm just tired. of everything. Of the

Migraine. Argh.

Can't believe that i played a game,
To lose you, i can't maintain.

Need to get back to the slides.
Back to reading and reading and reading and trying to recall later.
God, i never hated utp and its stupid administrations as much as i hate it now. The heck with NO STUDY WEEK. If i had a gun, i'd be shooting myself already. Hate Malaysian education as much as now. Why the fuck do we have to learn all this shit when we don't even apply them in the future. Try giving us some useful real life experience. I want to do programming and software development and website magic, NOT all this theoritical crap.

Ganbatte asma'. You can do this.

Ciao peeps.
Sorry for the depressing entry.

==========Romanization==========

No matter what happens
Even when the sky is falling down
I’ll promise you
That I’ll never let you go

Oh~~~Oh~~Oh~~~oh~~Oh~~~oh~~Yeah~~~

You naega sseureojilddae
Jeoldae heundeullimeopsi
Ganghan nunbicheuro
Myeotbeonigo nal ileukyeojweo

And you, na himae gyeoulddae
Seulpeumeul byeolang kkeutkkaji ddo akkimeopsi
Chajawa du son japeun geudaeyegae

[Chorus]

Nan haejoongae eopneundae
Chorahan najiman
Oneul geudae wihae i norae booleoyo
Tonight geudaeye du noonae
Geu miso dwiae nalwihae gamchweowatdeon
Apeumiboyeoyo

You and I together
It just feels so right
Ibyuliran maleulhaedo
Geu nuga mweorahaedo nan geudael jikilgae

You and I together
Nae du soneul nochijima
Annyoungiran maleun haedo
Naegae i saesangeun ojik neo hanagiae

You maneun sarangcheoreom
Oori sarang yeokshi jogeumssik byunhagaetjyo
Hajiman jaebal seulpeo malayo
Oraen chinhan chingu cheoreom
Namaneul mideulsuitgae gidaelsuitgae
I promise you that I’ll be right here, baby

[Chorus]
Nan haejoongae eopneundae
Chorahan najiman
Oneul geudae wihae i norae booleoyo
Tonight geudaeye du noonae
Geu miso dwiae nalwihae gamchweowatdeon
Apeumiboyeoyo

You and I together
Nae du soneul nochijima
Annyoungiran maleun haedo
Naegae i saesangeun ojik neo hanagiae

Waeroun bami chajaolddaen
Na salmyeosi nooneul gamayo
Geudaeye soomgyeoli nal aneulddae
Mueotdo duryeopji anjyo
E saesang geu eoddeon nugudo
Geudaereul daeshin halsueopjyo
You are the only one
And I’ll be there for you, baby

You and I together
It just feels so right
Ibyeoliran maleulhaedo
Geu nuga mweorahaedo nan geudael jikilgae

You and I together
Nae du soneul nochijima
Annyoungiran maleunhaedo
Naegae i saesangeun ojik neo hanagiae

Just you and I
Forever and ever

==================================

No matter what happens
Even when the sky is falling down
I’ll promise you
That I’ll never let you go

Oh~~~Oh~~Oh~~~oh~~Oh~~~oh~~Yeah~~~

You, When I fell
you held me back up with an unfaltering gaze

And You, through those sad times
held my hands till the end of the world

[Chorus]
I might be a shabby person who has never done anything for you
But today, I am singing this song just for you
Tonight, within those two eyes and a smile
I can see the pains from protecting me
You and I together. It’s just feels so right
Even though i bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you
You and I together, don’t ever let go of my hands
even though i bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you

Our love has changed a bit by bit just like others
But don’t be sad
Hopefully I will be someone who you can trust like an old friend
and someone you can lean onto
I promise you that I’m be right here baby

[Chorus]
I might be a shabby person who has never done anything for you
But today, I am singing this song just for you
Tonight, within those two eyes
and smile I can see the pains from protecting me
You and I together. It’s just feels so right
Even though i bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you
You and I together, don’t ever let go of my hands
even though i bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you

I close my eyes lightly whenever I feel lonely again
I no longer fear when your breath holds me
No one in the world can replace you
You are the only one in I’ll be there for you baby

You and I together, It’s just feels so right
Even though i bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you
You and I together, don’t ever let go my hands
even though i bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you

Just you and I
Forever and ever..

A truly beautiful song. :)

Nothing but a good dose of the pink princess to make you smile.

And hell yeah, penguins RAWK.
They are cool and they RAWK the world.

currently wishing to be wrapped in my blanket , cold and trying to not sleep while revising oop. My back and butt hurting already from sitting on this chair everyday. Ganbatte asma'! God, i'm really sleepy. Wishing i bought some nescafe before. Argh...9am tomorrow. Why can't it be 2.30pm tomorrow?? Takot overslept jer. ~______~

just got back from dinner and totally full.
Haih, i feel sleepy already.

DCN today was....well, in three words, hella fucked up.
I don't know how many questions i skipped,
and i don't know if the formulas i used were right
and i totally winged everything.

Shit man.

As pau had said it
"incik halabi memberi tips=1% je yg berguna...
stadi sdri= 3% je yg berguna...
lagi 96%......fuucuuukk up...
dayummmnnn..."

source : Echofon.

tomorrow morning, 9am, Object Oriented Programming.
I'm worried.
Like hella worried.
So far i got the basics down, but i still have to review everything for conceptual stuff.

Feels super-guilty for standing up zirafah-chan this weekend,
but finals come first.
These sem's result are what counts for when i want to apply for internships and i hella need to get good grades if i wanna apply internship at top IT companies.
Unlike you, i don't get Perodua to support my whole internship program + accomodations.
Gomen ne zirafah-chan. =(
Trust me, i feel as shitful as you do.
There's nothing i want more than soak up the morning sun at the beach with you, but its finals and i need to force myself to think, eat as much books as i can. After, no hal punye.

And,

To my friends,
I'm deeply sorry for everything what i've done,
what i've might've said,
what i've might have accidentally done,
what i've might have accidentally written.

or anything.

Because, these past weeks, nothing seems to be going right and i've might have crossed some lines.

And yeah,
To the two peeps, mereka tak sombong.
some of the most friendliest and cutest people ever.

Sorry klu terase. Saje nak gurau2. Lame tak jumpe, rindu ah. Huhu ~_~

and uh, wanna complain a bit.
This one guy, xmo mention names, tersangat lah bising dan kecoh mase exam. Aku tak tau la ape die nak prove kat sume org klu die leh wat paper tu atau xleh wat. Saje nak cakap sume bende kuat2. Damn aku rase nak sepak jer. Its exams dammit. If you wanna tell ur friend, just tell him only. DON'T need to raise your voice so that everyone in the exam hall knows what you drawn on the stupid exam booklet. Its stupid how people are so different on cyberspace. I hate it.

Dad's recovering. He's feet are plastered in fiber stuff and he's telling me to drive him to and from work once i start holidays. Drive his BMW to KLCC to and back? Woa~no hal!!! Mwahahahha~

I love driving. Its tiring, yes,but when i drive alone i feel a sense of satisfaction. Comfort just me and Elite-chan. Of course, there are some people i trust to let them drive Elite-chan other than my parents, and that, well. Well. =) As if i'd let just anyone drive MY car. Pfft. He's Elite-chan k. No one not important drives Elite-chan.

I'm too proud and too love my car. If i see other Black or Silver Elite-chans, i'd mock them. That's how proud i am. Dah lame tak bawak gi car wash tapi. hehe~

why am i not on gtalk or YM? Avoiding that loud person. I don't like loud people. Lagipon, leh study btol2. On pada Z-chan saje. Paham. Z-chan saja.

though i don't think even he wants to talk to me anymore either.
everyone !@#$%^ me now.
='(

Its 8.18pm.
I'll start DCN at 8.30pm. Heee~

Finished with one paper today. Internet Programming. Though i don't think my suffering with PHP and such has ended, i'm glad to be rid of it for this sem. Gee~

How was it?
It was okay...i hentam-ed most questions, especially ones involving PHP and i can hardly remember the top most tags for XML, DTD and XSL but...hurm. The web accesibility thingy...pfft. dunnolah.

DCN tomorrow at 3pm. Fighting asma'!!

oh. dad torn his tendon playing badminton and had to operate his lef. NOBODY told me! Damn. They probably didn't want me worried, what with finals and all, but hm. Oh well, atleast Aisyah called and told me. Haih~ bapak, bapak. Tu lah, nak sgt maen cam orang mude.

and ooh. Me was talking with the datin [mumbang] today when she suddenly stopped and stared at me and said "Eh awakk....awak nie comel kan? " and i was like "huhhhh?? datin nak ape nie datin? I xde duet k~" then she was like "Eh, x, x, btol lah, awak comel la..kte x perasan lak sebelom nie. " Me was.....*totally sceptical face*

hm.


Baru perasan ke datin? Yang I nie memang comel sgt2?

ROTFL. (i just remember that ROTFL means Rolling On The Floor Laughing)

*spent rm13 on food only today. Shall not be able to topup, at all ok. Sorry frenz. Plus i won't be online-ing much. Trying to avoid unnecessary talk. =P

Fav songs on my playlist these days

• Kagamine Rin ft. iroha - Roshin Yuukai
• Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne - Down Down
• Big Bang - Let Me Hear Your Voice
• Park Bom - You and I
• Ne-Yo - Be On You
• Colbie Caillat - Falling For You
• The All American Rejects - I Wanna + I'm Waiting + Gives You Hell

mission for this sem break:
-draw lots
-draw lots of miku
-go to some anime/manga fest somehow. [and i know the perfect person to be my partner-in-crime]
-watch new moon with the gals
-get my own domain + server + kazuhime.com or juz use wordpress ne~ =P. I need an official place for my otaku-ramblings. Cuz not everyone understands my obsession with jap stuff.
-download, download, download
-sleep lots and lots
-eat less and less
-go out more and more. spend time with my peeps, spend time with my family.
-no shopping! [is that even possible though]
-dance,dance,dance
-sing,sing,sing
-customize my....do i even have a laptop now? only a trusty old harddisk keeping all my data. sob3.

ntah ape2 ntah. cume nk lepas tensen sbb x dpt gi AFA'09.
-->>http://www.afa09.com/index.html

I won't get to see dannychoo and see GoodSmile Company figure exhibition.
I won't get to see Miku sing LIVE.
I won't get to buy the i <3>

• tensen satu lagi sbb DCN x progress2, bace ntah masok ke tak.

• tensen cuz ade gak manusia yg gler insensitif utk letak mende2 yg sgt personal kat blog hingga ke tahap aku rase cam. . . . . ntahlah. Aku terase cmne pon xde la aku ckp kat blog cmtu. The. Heck. I admit my mistake and i'm sorry. I don't see the need to put that up on the websphere for everyone to read.
  

• tensen cuz ade makhluk yg nak tegor at every status yang aku letak kat gtalk. demn, its my business. if i put "i miss you" doesn't mean that i have a boyfriend and i'm missing him and why the heck do YOU have to kick a fuss about it huh? got a problem with my status, tell me. wanna know my status, ask me. Shit, shit, shit.

• penat k. penat sbb dari aritu projek, presentation x abez2, nie final lak. penat blaja. like a rollercoaster ride of studying and studying and studying and never knowing what'll happen after. fast and full of suspense.
  

• Time. i need you. i need you more and more.
  

• I miss the giraffe. The more i fight with him the more i miss him. sounds fucked up but that's me. The more i feel like punching him the more i feel like i wanna see him. Why. Hell yeah.

• Study,study,study. Asma', tomorrow starts IP paper. Study now!